Overcoming Sexual Regrets: From the Walk of Shame to Walking Tall

We’ve all heard of the “walk of shame”—that awkward shuffle home after a night of questionable decisions, mismatched shoes, and maybe a burrito wrapper you don’t remember acquiring. For some, it’s just a funny story to share later. For others, it’s the start of something heavier: sexual regret. Unlike sexual moral injury—which cuts deep into personal values and identity—sexual regret tends to be about choices that didn’t align with who you want to be in the moment or afterward.

The truth is, sexual regret can impact more than just your Saturday morning mood. It can shape how you connect in future relationships, how you view intimacy, and how you see yourself. But here’s the good news: regret doesn’t have to define you. With a little humor, some science, and a therapeutic lens, it’s possible to move past regret and into healthier, more connected sexual lives.

Sexual Moral Injury vs. Sexual Regret: What’s the Difference?

Let’s start by clearing up the terms:

• Sexual Moral Injury happens when sexual boundaries or deeply held values are violated—either by yourself, a partner, or through coercion. It’s profound, long-lasting, and often tied to shame, trauma, and loss of trust.

• Sexual Regret, on the other hand, is usually about choices that don’t sit well after the fact. Maybe it was sleeping with someone you weren’t that into, agreeing to sex when you didn’t really want to, or realizing your hookup style doesn’t match your relationship goals.

Think of it this way: moral injury cuts at your identity; regret pokes at your judgment. One is trauma; the other is disappointment (sometimes mixed with a side of embarrassment).

Why Sexual Regrets Hit Hard

Research shows sexual regret is common. A study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that over 80% of men and women reported experiencing at least one sexual regret in their lifetime. Interestingly, men were more likely to regret missed opportunities (“I should have gone for it”), while women were more likely to regret actions taken (“I shouldn’t have gone for it”).

Why do these regrets matter so much? Because they’re rarely about the act itself. They’re about what the act represents:

• Did I betray my standards?

• Am I settling for less than I deserve?

• Will this affect how others see me?

• What does this say about who I am?

The emotional fallout—shame, self-doubt, or lowered self-esteem—can linger long after the sheets are washed and the text messages are deleted.

The Walk of Shame: More Than a Meme

Pop culture has turned the “walk of shame” into a punchline, but the deeper reality is this: it can symbolize the gap between what we want for ourselves and the choices we make.

That morning-after regret isn’t just about rumpled hair or last night’s eyeliner—it’s about the emotional discomfort of feeling disconnected from your own values. For some, it’s manageable. For others, repeated regrets can snowball into avoidance of intimacy altogether or a pattern of shallow relationships.

Therapeutically, that gap is the signal. It says: “Something about your sexual decisions isn’t aligning with your deeper goals.” The walk of shame, then, becomes less about humiliation and more about reflection.

The Relationship Impact of Sexual Regrets

Sexual regret doesn’t exist in a vacuum—it affects how you show up in relationships.

• Walls go up: Regret can make you cautious, guarded, or fearful of repeating mistakes.

• Trust issues emerge: If regrets stem from ignoring your own instincts, it can be harder to trust yourself—or anyone else.

• Connection feels harder: Regret fuels self-doubt, and self-doubt makes authentic intimacy difficult.

Studies in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships show that individuals with high levels of sexual regret often report lower relational satisfaction and reduced trust in partners, even in otherwise healthy connections.

Overcoming the Emotional Effects of Sexual Regret

The good news is, sexual regret is not a life sentence. It’s a learning opportunity. Here’s how to move forward:

1. Acknowledge Without Judgment

Pretending regret doesn’t exist keeps it alive. Acknowledge the experience honestly: “That wasn’t what I wanted,” or “That choice didn’t align with my values.” Self-compassion is key—remember, regret doesn’t erase your worth.

2. Look for the Pattern

One regret may be random. Multiple regrets may reveal a pattern. Do you tend to say yes when you mean no? Do you confuse sexual connection with emotional intimacy? Identifying patterns makes it possible to change them.

3. Separate Behavior from Identity

Therapeutically, it’s crucial to distinguish what you did from who you are. A choice you regret doesn’t define you as careless, unworthy, or broken. It’s simply one data point in your larger story.

4. Rebuild Trust in Yourself

Every time you make a sexual decision aligned with your values—whether that’s saying yes or no—you rebuild trust in yourself. That trust is the foundation for deeper connection with others.

5. Communicate Openly in Relationships

If regret has shaped your intimacy, sharing your experiences with a partner can strengthen understanding and safety. Vulnerability builds closeness.

6. Seek Professional Support if Needed

For those with deep or repeated regrets, especially linked to coercion or trauma, therapy can provide a safe space to unpack the pain and create healthier sexual boundaries.

Humor Break: Regrets We Can All Admit To

Let’s normalize it—most people have at least one sexual regret. Maybe it was texting your ex at 2 a.m. Maybe it was realizing mid-date that you didn’t actually like the person but going through with it anyway. Or maybe it was underestimating the power of tequila shots.

These stories are universal. They make us human. The point isn’t to erase them but to learn from them without letting them define us.

Turning Regret Into Growth

At its best, sexual regret can be a catalyst for growth. Instead of drowning in “I wish I hadn’t,” the goal is to move toward “Next time, I’ll choose differently.”

• Regret teaches self-awareness.

• Regret highlights what you value.

• Regret can clarify the difference between temporary desire and lasting connection.

As Brené Brown says, vulnerability is the birthplace of intimacy. Acknowledging regret honestly, without shame, opens the door to healthier choices and more meaningful relationships.

Wrapping It Up

Sexual regret is a part of the human experience. While it can sting, it doesn’t have to scar. Unlike sexual moral injury, which cuts at the core of values and identity, sexual regret is more about missed alignment—choices that don’t reflect who you truly are or want to be.

What you do after matters most. The infamous walk of shame can become a walk of self-reflection, a step toward clearer boundaries, and eventually, a stride into more fulfilling connections. With humor, self-compassion, and therapeutic tools, regret can transform from a source of shame into a guidepost for growth.

Because the truth is, intimacy isn’t about perfection—it’s about authenticity. And sometimes the mistakes we regret the most are the very ones that teach us how to love, respect, and connect more deeply. Then you can let the Afterglow begin.