Batteries Included: How Sex Toys Can Supercharge Your Relationship

Let’s be honest—introducing sex toys into a relationship can feel like walking a wobbly tightrope over a pit of assumptions. Are we bored? Are we replacing each other? Are we headed for a phase involving matching robes and distant eye contact?

Not even close.

The truth is, sex toys in relationships aren’t a red flag. They’re more like glitter—messy if mishandled, but undeniably fun, surprisingly powerful, and completely capable of making a scene sparkle. In fact, studies show that couples who incorporate sex toys report higher sexual satisfaction than those who don’t (Herbenick et al., 2010). Toys aren’t competition; they’re collaboration.

But before you dive into a drawer full of vibrating silicone and mysterious charging cables, let’s break down the different ways sex toys can weave their way into a relationship—and how to use them in ways that deepen pleasure, connection, and erotic power.

Solo Play, Partnered Benefit

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean every orgasm needs to be a joint production. Solo play is still essential—not because your partner is doing something wrong, but because you deserve a healthy relationship with your own body.

Using sex toys solo allows you to explore your preferences without pressure. What rhythm works? What sensation hits just right? When you know yourself well, you're more confident asking for what you want with your partner.

And let’s be honest: witnessing your partner completely immersed in pleasure—hands on a toy, eyes rolling back, maybe muttering your name—isn’t just hot. It’s practically a gift.

So, yes, self-pleasure with toys is still on the table when you're partnered. It’s not a betrayal; it’s a brain map. And one that benefits you both.

Mutual Use: Double the Toys, Double the Joy

Mutual toy use is when both partners incorporate toys together—whether in foreplay, intercourse, or even cuddled up on the couch with one person casually wielding a remote-controlled bullet vibe like it’s the volume button on the TV.

Vibrators, plugs, strokers, sleeves, beads, wands—whatever you use, mutual toy play is about amplifying shared experiences, not replacing them.

Need proof? A 2022 survey by Lovehoney found that 63% of couples who regularly use sex toys together report improved communication in their sex lives. Why? Because toys break the silence around pleasure—they create conversation.

And when you’re both experimenting, laughing, and figuring it out as you go, it shifts the mood from pressure to play. Plus, it opens the door to discussions about boundaries, preferences, and desires that go way beyond the toy itself.

Partnered Use: All Power, One Person

Here’s where things get extra interesting: using a sex toy on your partner, while they surrender to the experience—and don’t get to touch it themselves.

This erotic dynamic can be deeply intimate. Why? Because it adds layers of trust, vulnerability, and focus. You’re not just co-using a toy. You’re taking the wheel. And your partner is letting you drive.

This kind of partnered use has a flavor of erotic power exchange—not necessarily kinky, but definitely charged. It says, “I want to give you this experience, and I want to be the one to deliver it.”

When done with consent and communication, it’s deeply therapeutic. It invites you both to slow down, stay present, and explore sensations beyond the typical script. Some couples even designate certain toys as “for giving only,” creating symbolic permission for one partner to be the conductor of pleasure without the usual back-and-forth.

But Aren’t Toys a Sign Something’s Missing?

Ah, yes—the classic myth. The idea that if you bring a toy into the bedroom, you're compensating for something: a lagging libido, a mechanical partner, or a poorly lit emotional basement.

Wrong.

Sex toys aren’t about filling a gap. They’re about expanding the map. They can help with arousal, climax, erection maintenance, stamina, or just plain novelty. They aren’t cheating codes—they’re bonus levels.

In fact, when you take shame off the table, sex toys become tools for mental health and relational health. They help reduce performance anxiety, especially for people dealing with chronic pain, trauma, or hormonal changes. They reduce pressure to “perform” and increase focus on pleasure over outcome.

From Creepy Shop to Curated Boutique

Still picturing that dimly lit store with blacked-out windows and a suspicious film on the carpet?

Let’s refresh.

Today’s pleasure boutiques are bright, inclusive, educated, and welcoming. Staff are trained to answer questions about body-safe materials, toy compatibility, and even trauma-informed use. You won’t be judged, and they’re definitely not daydreaming about you using that prostate massager.

Think of it like a spa for your erotic self—except instead of cucumber water, there are rechargeable wand massagers and waterproof plugs.

And please, skip the $9 jelly toy from the gas station. Cheap toys = cheap sex. Not because price equals pleasure, but because cheap materials often mean porous plastics, bacteria traps, or worse. If it’s going inside your body—or someone else’s—invest like you would in your bed or your mattress.

(And yes, quality toys are often silicone, ABS plastic, or stainless steel. If you wouldn’t use a sponge to stir your soup, don’t use a porous toy on your genitals.)

So What’s the Real Takeaway?

Sex toys are not a desperate fix. They’re enhancements. Invitations. Amplifiers.

They’re solo self-care, mutual fun, and partnered surrender.

They’re about communication, creativity, and connection. And when you drop the myths, you’ll find that toys aren’t intimidating—they’re liberating. The only shame in using them is not talking about how great they can be.

So whether you’re guiding, watching, receiving, or taking charge, remember this:

Pleasure is not a contest. It’s a conversation.

And let the afterglow begin.